Dear Mom and Dad,
It
has now been three months since I left for college. I have been remiss
in writing this and I am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not
having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but, before you
read on, please sit down.
YOU ARE NOT TO READ ANY FURTHER UNLESS YOU ARE SITTING DOWN, OKAY?
Well
then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture, and the
concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory when
it caught fire shortly after my arrival, are pretty well healed now.
Fortunately, the fire in the dormitory and my jump, were witnessed by
an attendant at the gas station near the dorm. He was the one who
called the fire department and the ambulance. He also visited me at the
hospital, and since I had nowhere to live because of the burned out
dormitory, he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with
him and his three buddies. It's really a basement room, but it's kind
of cute.
He is a very fine boy and we have fallen deeply in
love and are planning to be married. We haven't set the exact date yet,
but it will be before my pregnancy begins to show. Yes, Mom and Dad, I
am pregnant. I know how much you are looking forward to being
grandparents! I know you will welcome the baby and give it the love,
devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a child.
The
reason for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has some
minor infection, which prevents us from passing our pre-marital blood
tests, and I carelessly caught it from him. This will soon clear up
with the penicillin injections I am having daily. I know you will
welcome him into our family with open arms. He is kind and, although
not well educated, he is ambitious. Although he is of a different race
and religion than ours, I know your often expressed tolerance will not
permit you to be bothered by the fact that his skin color is different
than ours. I am sure you will love him as I do. His family background
is good, too, for I am told that his father is an important weapons
dealer in the village in Africa from which he came.
Now that I
have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that there was no
dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or a skull fracture. I was
not in the hospital, I am not pregnant and I am not engaged. I do not
have syphilis and there is no man (of any color) in my life.
However, I got a 'D' in History and an 'F' in Science, and I wanted you to see those marks in the proper perspective.
Your Loving Daughter
Linda
